July 14,1861
Camp Clark, Washington DC
Dear Sarah:
The indications are very
strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow. And
lest I should not be able to write you again I feel impelled to
write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I am no
more.
I have no misgivings about,
or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my
courage does not halt or falter. I know how American
Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the government and
how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the
blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing -
perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life, to
help maintain this government, and to pay that debt.
Sarah, my love for you is
deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing
but omnipotence can break; and yet my love of Country comes over
me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly with all those
chains to the battlefield. The memory of all the blissful
moments I have enjoyed with you come crowding over me, and I
feel most deeply grateful to God and you, that I have enjoyed
them for so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up and
burn to ashes the hopes and future years, when, God willing, we
might still have lived and loved together, and see our boys
grown up to honorable manhood around us.
If I do not return, my dear
Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, nor that when my last
breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your
name...
Forgive my many faults, and
the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I
have sometimes been!...
But, 0 Sarah, if the dead
can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they
love, I shall always be with you, in the brightest day and in
the darkest night... always, always. And when the soft breeze
fans your cheek, it shall be my breath, or the cool air your
throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.
Sarah do not mourn me dead;
think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again...
Sullivan Ballou was killed a week
later at the 1st Battle of Bull Run. |